Kairos to Chronos and Return #5

Write about your relationship to a friend or family member who is no longer living – What was the relationship like when they were alive and how has that relationship evolved after their death?

My sister Mary died in January. We came from a close and loving family, but Mary and I were polar opposites in many ways. Our relationship with each other had many painful ups and downs. In fact, after our Mother died we rarely spoke to each other. I hoped and dreamed for the kind of relationship I thought sisters should have, knowing each other so well. I mailed cards and letters to her, and I prayed for openings to see her and talk about whatever was wrong. But it was not to be. She did not want to see me or talk to me.

When I got the phone call that Mary had died in her sleep, I was heartbroken. My beautiful sister gone – and now no chance to restore our relationship.

At the celebration of her life several weeks ago, several of Mary’s friends spoke of how her life had brought light to them. Her friend Ginny sang Amazing Grace. We have heard those lyrics so many times that we almost cease to hear them. Yet that day as I heard the words, a healing balm began to flow over my heart. “…was blind but now I see… Grace will lead me home … bright shining as the sun … when this flesh and heart shall fail, and mortal life shall cease, I shall possess within the veil, a life of joy and peace… I once was lost but now am found, was blind, but now I see.”

Then Pastor Mike spoke of the water of baptism and Jesus, our light. I don’t remember his words. I remember being washed with healing. I had assurance that Mary now could see the answers to all her questions and all her pain. And that I could begin to forgive myself for the ways I hurt her, or wasn’t able to be who she needed me to be. Somehow “was blind, but now I see” was coming true for both of us.

Kairos to Chronos

Born

Sisters

Love – Together

Misunderstanding

Estrangement – Apart

Confusion – Longing

Death

Grief – Darkness

A candle

Hope

Water – Light

Forgiven

Eternity

Chronos to Kairos

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4 Responses to Kairos to Chronos and Return #5

  1. A wonderful poem. I see in your goodreads that we have Madeleine L’Engle’s books in common. I first learned of chronos and kairos from her. Love how you begin and “end” your poem for your sister Mary. Blessings, Ellen

    • I have nearly every thing Madeleine ever wrote. Her books have been a very strong influence in my journey. The Rock That Is Higher was very helpful spiritually.

      • I read The Rock That Is Higher too, and certainly a book I’d like to reread.

        Madeleine’s book, Walking On Water: Reflections on Faith & Art helped me so much. I still refer to it and try to “serve the work.” Through her, I also found Luci Shaw, who I continue to read as well.

  2. Beautiful. So sorry for your loss. So pleased for the healing balm you found. Shortage of words. Plenty of tears. Love, Betsy
    (P.S. RuthAnn, you wear love, grace and compassion like an outer garment. And the exchange above leaves me picturing in my mind’s eye, you and Madeleine L’Engle walking on water, each holding a hand of Jesus.)

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