What Weighs Me Down? #3

“What are some rules you grew up with? How do you keep them, hand them down to your family or reject/rebel against them?”

Rules… from childhood…?  I have been thinking of this all day, and remembering some early ones:  close the gate after you, come to supper, wear clean panties, wash your hands.  I suppose I could come up with some useful metaphors for those rules, but the words aren’t coming to me.

So I had a talk with my daughter over lunch, about some things she remembered, and what I learned is that she learned some things I didn’t intend to teach.  I don’t really want to write about that just now.

Later, one of my daily readings said, “What is weighing us down?  What is keeping us from being the best us?”  I thought, yes!  I can write about that.

I immediately recognized some things that are weighing me down:  longing for a certain unreached level of perfection in myself and others; disappointment of my expectations for myself and others; fear of what people think of me;  fear of rejection; pride – a false pride that all too often is afraid to risk being authentic, being real, just being me.

Where did those thoughts, fears or rules come from?  I guess they are rules I somehow internalized – but what is the root?  Somehow, each of us carries some internal rule of who we are supposed to be, how we are supposed to act, what we are supposed to do.  And that weighs us down and keeps up from being.  BEING.  Just being the person God made us to be, the person God loves and accepts, just as we are.

I hope during this time of Lent, to grow in my letting go; to let go of those ‘rules’ and more fully recognize God’s grace and unconditional love, just as I am.

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